The fall

I fell. 12th of January, night time. I fell off my bike real hard on my face. Now everything is bruised, I feel terrible. Yes, I went out for the first time in months (first dinner, then pub) and yes it was late, but again I ignored my body which was very very tired, exhausted and somewhat hungry. Still I stayed longer than planned and then in a split sec there was blood, pain, tears. My eyes are purple, everything's woonded and swollen... I look like a woman who was terribly beaten up by her husband. I feel terrible and ashamed. I know, shit happens. But this has a meaning. Because now I'm so calm, I eat calm, I walk slow, I am more in the Now because I cannot be in the future, or think and worry of all (to me now) useless things, like (not)eating, sports, looks, what to do... I must heal first. And think of this accident which was given to me by the Universe. Why?

I was unthankful, not being myself, bored and restless. I am thankful now, because I am alive, and have no brain damage. I am thankful for my aunt and boyfriend who went with me to the docter's and brought me cheese and oranges. I am also so thankful for my parents who came as soon as they could with their love and groceries to take care of me. And in my heart it was so hard to accept their care, to let go. I was their child, which I asked for a couple of months ago.



I feel modest, ashamed of my actions, the fact that I still can't take care of myself, do what's good for me, my body and soul. I am truely sorry. I will not let this happen again. I must and will change. Life's too short and valuable. Despite the pain I say thank you.