Whisky

Spannend als een eerste glas whisky
Prikkelend, maar ook opwarmend
Als een frisbee,
Als een echo door mijn hele lijf
Een prettig tijdverdijf

Maar geen idee waar het toe leidt
Hoe te geven,
Vooral te ontvangen
Hoe aan te sturen, en waar te verkleinen
Wat te mogen verlangen
Waar het precies teveel is of waar het aan schort
De boodschap weet te vatten
Waarin ik netjes doch dringend verzocht word
Van je toneel te verdwijnen

Of na één zo'n glas misschien
In spannende warmte
Leer
Wanneer een vorm van dronkenschap te verwachten
En een en ander dien
Te verzachten?



WW15-5-09

Let it flow!

Good day,
It's Sunday morning, I'm not totally awake yet..Feeding myself with mango, tea and coffee. Still no wireless connection... But connection. Outside it looks sad, like it's autumn, stormy and rainy. But still, no complaints. I have plans to go for a walk later on, pay a visit to my tree, we'll see. Also there lots of mess to clear and paperwork to do.. My basement for example, it's totally filled with stuff I don't know what to do with. There's hardly room for my vacuum cleaner! Annoying it gets. And my administration needs to be sorted as well. Those are not my things really, but this week I saw an email in my inbox, about clearing things, giving away stuff and not holding on too much to things, leave an empty space open all the time and make some room for the new! Yes... Let it flow...
That explains why I'm financially broke at the moment and have to pay all kinds of unexpected things suddenly. (My boiler wasn't working properly, and although I have a service contract, replacement of parts costs extra, I got an extra acupuncture invoice, which I thought I had already paid last month). It's also Mercury Retrograde (astrological influence until Feb 1st) if u ask me. Lots of things are not working properly or are standing still. Think of traffic, trade, communication, contracts, gear, machines..

At work, on one of the departments I work it's also standing still. By lack of communication I feel very insecure, not taken seriously, ignored, deadly tired and frustrated. Hopefully I can switch to the other department soon, because I feel it's not healthy for me staying there much longer. It triggers me to feel bad about myself and into punishing behaviour. I cannot show the emotions who are rising at that time, it's inside me all the time and when it has to come out, I surpress it with food, wine or very negative thoughts about myself. I get paralyzed.

And that is exactly not what I need.. My vata (Ayurvedic) is disturbed and I need rest, mildness, calmness. Not that the job at the other department (as social worker- coach of people who are being activated into volunteer jobs after being unemployed for a very long period of time) is a quiet job.. On the contrary. But it gives more fullfilment, a challenge, a wider view.
I received an Ayurvedic massage two days ago- thanks to one of my best friends- and it was very very good.. I was totally set in hot herbal oil, even my hair.. It was gentle but very effective, and I left the oil on my body till the next day, so my skin still feels kind of soft.

So, yes...let it flow!

Mercury Retrograde

One year after...
There should be celebration
Because of survival
The lessons learnt
And doing well

Instead
There's only frustration
Of non-acceptance
Fear; nothing earned
And resistance of every cell

Crisps of anger
Instead of the creamy white
Want the love so tender
But it's only me that bites

Please,
Why is is this so painful
Why this wave in life
Again the denial
Is it mercury retrograde
Loneliness
A neverending file
Or my Ego, willing to be in this state?

Will I fade?