Words are useless

Writing, writing....
What's the use? God is of language, exists through it. Without language man wouldn't now of it. Through oral tradition stories were written down, and so many religions found their basis, could be spead widely and because of that all religions claim the truth. To me it's all one, everyone is telling the same story but all from different angles, though different eras and views.
Anyhow, it's making me sad why people just don't see this universal perspective...

At the same time I'm so frustrated with the fact that my life is not making any progress, not the progress I want. I cannot even respect this devine unity in myself and in the world and I'm still fighting this internal battle every day, even harder than a while ago. I cannot cope with my emotions, I cannot be freed, I am still such a primitive being that cannot stand above things and just being sastisfied and going with the flow. Having fun or enjoying life that a thirty two year old should. That I cannot bless the things I all do have and have achieved on my own and with others and always feel so empty, sad, massochistic and thoughtful.

What I do need or want, I don't know. I am afraid there's nothing that could make me truely happy, sometimes I think of being a writer (well, this constant complaining, victimizing behaviour and naive thoughts will never make me become a writer!) or to work less, so that I have enough time and space to become me, have more peace to express, develop myself. On the other hand I am afraid of a lack of structure and dealing with less certainty in life... It takes so much courage becoming who you are and just do whatever really suits you, work hard...

Words are useless if you don't feel or live.
I feel so small, captured in addictions, tensions. I miss my soul mate, the love of parents, and my childhood. Most of all I miss the contact with myself.
I do see the sun, sometimes it's so nice and bright orange in the mornings, but daily life is taking over so fast and I want to feel joy but somehow it doesn't come through.
I would love to thank the devine energy, but I think somehow I don't deserve it, or it doesn't see me, because I make such a mess of life by not listening, struggling too much, being too selfish or by just not being open enough.

I'm truely sorry for my soul, my true Self who always is surpressed by my Ego. Words are useless in this matter.

P.S. on the 14th of october, tomorrow, they predicted an UFO, seen in the US. I am curious what will be said in the media about that. I'm not so sure about it, but I will keep an eye on it....
Lightworkers say they come out of love, not to conquer or dominate the earth..

Wat nu samen?

Lopen we ooit langs contouren
van alle continenten
en doen we wat ons zint
elkaar irriteren,
beroeren
en worden we bemind
door de zee
die overal hetzelfde zal zijn

Misschien zien we de verschillen
De kustlijn
omgeven door zand, planten
of steen
De golven machtig
of in geduld

En ontdekken we ook het ware verschil
tussen trots en verwaande onschuld
vrienden en verwanten
tussen een zoen en seks
de duivel en een heks

Ieder zal beamen
In feite is er geen;
er is slechts verschil in waarneming
Om niet te verzanden
Leren we,
door te lopen langs deze randen
ons eigen, echte ding

Wat nu samen?

(So therefore we have a keyboard)

Sometimes one just must write
About tension
To light up
Things
About the non-comprehension
Of one's small and simple life

Strong, sad eyes
And some fingers short
Reveal
There's no room for commitment
No fund
To pay for extra rent
To make a life time deal

No complaining
But too much protection
Allows only this evil tension
And there's no other way
To stop or feel

So much love I see-
It seems to be my duty
To see
Beauty
Alone and in all
Is it too much?
Too overruled to grab it
Why not within me?

WW15-9-2008

About Love

Let there be space between your togetherness;

Either let the wind of heavens dance between you

Love, but never make a contract out of it;

Rather let her be a flexible sea, moving between the coasts of your souls


Fill each other's cup but don't drink of the same cup;

Give the other one your bread but never eat of the same loaf;

Sing and dance together and be cheerful;

But also

let eachother be alone, on it's self,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music


Give your heart, but never to be bond;

For only the hand of Life can hold it


And stand by eachother, but never too close;

For the pilars of a temple always stand apart

And the oak and cypress cannot grow in one's shadow..


Freely translated from Khalil Gibran
In: 'The Prophet'

Hitte

Hitte

De Jordaanse hitte
warmde me op
Ik voelde zon en uitgestrektheid
stond aan de top
oh, wat was ik klein

De hitte
een mooi gezicht
fijn
een opgewondenheid viel over me
als een deken,
een oude bekende
Ik was en kon vergeten,
werd bekeken

Licht
werd het steeds

De hitte
verschaft inzicht
kent leed
ik herken het;
het gemak van bewegen
op den duur
vrijheid
omdat ik weet

En als blikken toch
mijn dodelijke ogen konden doorzien
wat er soms door me heenging
eenzaamheid
en liefde
voor deze wereld
en voor alles
wat ik niet begrijp

Rest nu nog
Het stof van de woestijn op mijn schoenen
Plaatjes vastleggend
voor het thuisfront,
Een contact, doch
slechts door blikken betast
maar veelzeggend,
ze raakten een alomvattende wond

Ik weet nu
wat hitte doet
het maakte mensen gek
maar het is goed...

Jordan uncovered

Jordan: a great place on earth. So friendly, beautiful, warm and easy to travel around. The views, desolated areas, busy crowds, space aplenty, desert, rocks, water, modern life and tradition& history. I experienced many things, Amman, Madaba, Jerash, Petra, Kerak, the desert (Wadi Rum), Dead Sea, snorkling in the Red Sea, waterfalls at Ma'in.
I was wondering if the kindness of it's people was fake, knowing that the country lives of tourism. But as my trip was passing I started to think and feel this friendliness is real, people are mostly very kind; it's in their culture to be helpful. They literally take care. Whereas in Europe you just give people directions when they ask you, in the Arab world they bring you to your destination or as far as possible. Because of good and bad experience from the past in Turkey and my study background, I was a bit sceptic at first. But the (real) Arab world is not so much different except for a couple of things; no touching, harrassing, screeming or trying to sell in a forcing way.
Yes, people do stare at white Europeans, no matter what you wear. But when you attire just a tiny bit (which is even more comfortable in the heat) there is no problem whatsoever and you can move freely through the country.
Of course there are negative sides to find, to live as a muslim woman in my opinion, mostly veiled or sometimes totally covered in black or in chadors; whereby the eyes only are visible, it must be awfully hot and also restrictive in many ways. The social control is strong for many, and even though some woman are brought up like that and feeling happy the way they live, (it was seen sometimes by the pride and beauty they were showing off or the way they were moving, like it was a second skin) for me it was sometimes hard to deal with. Especially in the beginning, I could feel anger sometimes towards this 'men-ruled' society, it was them who once made these rules that woman should 'protect' themselves against the weakness of male flesh, and who decided that hair was the woman's pearl. Men should cover themselves as well according to the Quran, and some did, but they were allowed to wear white dresses, which seems much more comfortable.
What happens behind the veils? Eyes can do a lot. Under these black robes there could have been the most expensive and trendy clothes, which you could guess by seeing the shoes, make-up, sometimes showing a waistline and by wearing jewelry. Woman made their statements if possible somehow through subtle details. Anyhow, all this covering and mystique drives men totally crazy, so what about this 'so called protection'? I could feel the sexual tension in the air, the whole society sometimes. As the tv was showing lots of almost naked woman, the streets were black. People get confused and frustrated. For me it was confusing too, I must admit.
Strangely enough, moving some days in such a society, you see that woman are protected/ being respected by wearing the chadors and moving more free. You suddenly see your own bare arms as special, your wrists as beautiful, because they belong to you. My point is: you get aware of your treasurous self, freedom and feminity more than ever somehow.
On the other hand I still am not for the covering up, only because people are telling you from an ancient religious view to do so, but I can imagine it's more exciting keeping things to yourself or share them only with the special ones we meet in life...

A challenge: Share!

Experiment

As all communication nowadays goes through internet/ e-mail I wonder what has happened with the handwritten mail. The only thing I find on my door mat are bills, advertisement and other rubbish... You are almost forced to register everywhere; hyves, facebook, u-tube, msn messenger, in fact that's very impersonal and a form of slavery if you ask me!

Almost nothing is nicer than receiving handwritten enveloppes with a stamp. Think of the journey it has undertaken and the energy it contains. Isn't that marvellous, some kind of magic?
It would be such a waste if we forget about ordinary correspondence!

So, I challenge you!

Share by sending me something: news, a thought, an idea, a hello or goodbye, gossips, a photograph, science, anything will do if it fits through the mailbox. I'm curious and interested in your life.
It only has to cost you a couple of minutes, a stamp and a walk to the nearest postbox.
*There's one condition: at least the enveloppe should be handwritten!
*And I promise to answer! (please enclose your address if you'd appreciate so)

Just try it and find out what happens! I'm sure it will make you happy! You may even decide to pass this on or do the experiment with your own family and friends...

Don't worry: This is no chain letter!

Hope to read you!

Wendy Wessels
Richtersweg 108
7521 BZ Enschede
The Netherlands