Words are useless

Writing, writing....
What's the use? God is of language, exists through it. Without language man wouldn't now of it. Through oral tradition stories were written down, and so many religions found their basis, could be spead widely and because of that all religions claim the truth. To me it's all one, everyone is telling the same story but all from different angles, though different eras and views.
Anyhow, it's making me sad why people just don't see this universal perspective...

At the same time I'm so frustrated with the fact that my life is not making any progress, not the progress I want. I cannot even respect this devine unity in myself and in the world and I'm still fighting this internal battle every day, even harder than a while ago. I cannot cope with my emotions, I cannot be freed, I am still such a primitive being that cannot stand above things and just being sastisfied and going with the flow. Having fun or enjoying life that a thirty two year old should. That I cannot bless the things I all do have and have achieved on my own and with others and always feel so empty, sad, massochistic and thoughtful.

What I do need or want, I don't know. I am afraid there's nothing that could make me truely happy, sometimes I think of being a writer (well, this constant complaining, victimizing behaviour and naive thoughts will never make me become a writer!) or to work less, so that I have enough time and space to become me, have more peace to express, develop myself. On the other hand I am afraid of a lack of structure and dealing with less certainty in life... It takes so much courage becoming who you are and just do whatever really suits you, work hard...

Words are useless if you don't feel or live.
I feel so small, captured in addictions, tensions. I miss my soul mate, the love of parents, and my childhood. Most of all I miss the contact with myself.
I do see the sun, sometimes it's so nice and bright orange in the mornings, but daily life is taking over so fast and I want to feel joy but somehow it doesn't come through.
I would love to thank the devine energy, but I think somehow I don't deserve it, or it doesn't see me, because I make such a mess of life by not listening, struggling too much, being too selfish or by just not being open enough.

I'm truely sorry for my soul, my true Self who always is surpressed by my Ego. Words are useless in this matter.

P.S. on the 14th of october, tomorrow, they predicted an UFO, seen in the US. I am curious what will be said in the media about that. I'm not so sure about it, but I will keep an eye on it....
Lightworkers say they come out of love, not to conquer or dominate the earth..